"Losing our filter" later in life

Well, you're young. You know a lot you won't know later on.

~ Margaret Laurence

I will never forget reading Stone Angel by Margaret Laurence in high school. The story is narrated by 90-year-old Hagar Shipley, a fiercely proud and stubborn woman reflecting on her life as she faces physical decline and the prospect of being placed in a nursing home.

Having my own ninety-year-old grandmother living with us at the time, I witnessed the challenges associated with caregiving, frailty and dependence in aging.

After reading it, I vowed to myself that I would age with humility and reduce the burden of care on my family later in life.

It is interesting to observe now how childhood wounds and behaviour often resurface when caring for our aging parents.

As in our youth, we are again presented with an opportunity to develop the patience and wisdom not to take what others say too personally.

By recognizing that older adults occasionally share politically incorrect or blunt opinions due to brain changes and emotional shifts associated with aging, we can be better prepared to tolerate inappropriate behaviour.

Brain Atrophy Research indicates that age-related shrinking of the frontal lobes reduces inhibitory control and social cognition, making it harder for older adults to suppress impulsive remarks or recognize social awkwardness - in essence, become childlike.

This biological decline can cause comments that slip out without the usual mental "filter," a process distinct from intentional rudeness.

Recognizing that the behaviour often stems from decreased social inhibition rather than malice will prevent inappropriate reactions, prevent guilt and leave our dignity intact.