The body says no

When we have been prevented from learning how to say no, our bodies may end up saying it for us.

~ Gabor Maté, When the Body Says No: The Cost of Hidden Stress

Sometimes, when we do not have the courage to say no, the body says it for us. 

Having a sense of knowing when something will not serve someone well, I have a tendency to want to protect them from the consequences of any misjudgment.

Yet, I pause. I was once told by someone wiser than me, not to interfere in spiritual lessons. 

Collectively, we are being challenged to develop mental toughness.

Failure is a better teacher than success. 

The gut senses trouble

We have noted that gut feelings are an important part of the body’s sensory apparatus, helping us to evaluate the environment and assess whether a situation is safe. 

~ Gabor Maté

This week, when I learned previously unrevealed snippets of the story of someone a family member was starting to date, I wanted to shout NO. 

In my cultural upbringing, it is perfectly acceptable for an elder to share such advice. Given my programming, I am occasionally conflicted about what to do.

After consuming a treat baked by the prospective mate, I immediately became nauseous. I had trouble eating my dinner. That is unusual for me.

In hindsight, I suspect that this was my body sensing deception. 

The relationship is over quickly and with minimal cost.

My instincts were right, but I had the wisdom not to volunteer unsolicited advice. 

A valuable lesson was learned: becoming a better sleuth of character - not an easy task with online dating.

Choose guilt over resentment

If you face the choice between feeling guilt and resentment, choose the guilt every time. If a refusal saddles you with guilt, while consent leaves resentment in its wake, opt for the guilt. Resentment is soul suicide.

~ Gabor Maté

My husband loves to travel. In fact, after our children left this weekend, he booked a last-minute ski trip out west. 

Another recent ski trip to Quebec left him feeling elated. With his physical competence on the slopes he was eager to do it again.

His post-stroke recovery and physical endurance are inspiring.

When he left, I couldn't help but feel a hint of sadness. As I reflected, I concluded it was a dull sense of guilt. 

I had no interest in going. Sadly, at this stage, I do not share my husband's passion for novelty and adventure.

I thought about a friend who was just as passionate about travel and whose spouse, too, might be happier staying home. 

This friend had an upcoming trip planned that required physical fitness and endurance. Sadly, the spouse became injured, impairing mobility. 

It was then that I found myself patting myself on the back for encouraging my husband to go and embracing a couple of days of solitude prior to going to help our daughter. My body no longer needs to speak for me.

Right now, my priorities are helping to raise healthy granddaughters who are free to express all feelings and who learn to create healthy boundaries.

Travel will resume later. I look forward to sharing fun times on the ski slopes with our grandchildren.