Stop being a grouch

Optimism is invaluable for the meaningful life. With a firm belief in a positive future, you can throw yourself into the service of that which is larger than you are.

~ Martin Seligman

This week, I was reminded of the following story and thought it was worth sharing.

Martin Seligman, often regarded as the father of positive psychology, shares a pivotal moment that shifted his parenting style and career focus.

In 1999, Seligman was gardening with his five-year-old daughter, Nikki.

Seligman was having a miserable time pulling weeds. But Nikki was running around, dancing, singing and throwing weeds in the air.

He yelled at her, telling her to get to work.

Nikki looked at him and walked away.

A few minutes later, she came back.

The conversation that followed went something like this.

Daddy, do you remember that I was a whiner before my fifth birthday? That I whined all the time?

Yeah! Yeah! You were a little horror.

Have you noticed that since turning five two weeks ago, I haven't whined at all?

He thought about it.

Oh, yeah! You haven’t. Have you?

Well, Daddy, on my fifth birthday, I decided I wasn't going to whine anymore. That was the hardest thing I've ever done.

If I can stop whining, you can stop being such a grouch.

A child’s honesty can be disarming.

Martin Seligman’s general attitude and role as a parent required an overhaul.

To help his daughter flourish, he needed to nurture her strengths rather than endlessly correcting her shortcomings.

He resolved to change his outlook on life, his parenting style, and, impressively, focus in psychology, moving on from learned helplessness to learned optimism.