People aren't bad, they do bad things

The fact is that people are good, Give people affection and security, and they will give affection and be secure in their feelings and their behaviour.

~ Abraham Maslow

Yesterday morning I was reading books to our granddaughter. One book had bible stories.

I was surprised to find instances of people being described as “bad” or “evil” in a children's book.

I found myself reframing sentences that attacked character, instead describing people as behaving badly.

I had to explain to a four-year-old that people aren’t inherently bad; they occasionally do bad things.

They may not have had good upbringings, or they may have too much to do, so, feeling hurt or overwhelmed, they may hurt others. She understood.

Labelling someone as "bad," or “evil,” or "toxic" is a character judgment that shuts down dialogue and escalates conflict. It’s divisive.

Behaviour-focused feedback targets something specific that can be changed.

What to do

Insults are the arguments employed by those who are in the wrong. 

~ Jean-Jacques Rousseau

Avoid character attacks

• “You’re always late.”

• “You’re irresponsible.”

• “You’re rude.”

Provide behaviour-focused feedback

• “The report was submitted two days late.”

• “When you didn’t reply to the message, it slowed down the project.”

• “You interrupted me several times during the meeting."

This shift from characterizing to describing is a powerful tool for maintaining relationships, reducing defensiveness, and fostering accountability without dehumanizing others.