People are not "toxic"

Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.

~ Mark Twain

War instigates intense hate, sometimes for generations to come.

Hate is destructive to our well-being, personally and collectively.

The lens through which I see things leads me to believe that people are born good but become misguided and misbehave based on programming during early development. Jails are full of victims of neglect and poor upbringing.

When I see well-intended health and wellness experts warn about the need to avoid toxic people, I feel sad. Of course, we have to protect ourselves from harm or violence, but words matter.

We attract into our lives people from whom we have a lesson to learn. Seeing the opportunity in a challenge is part of our growth journey. Oprah says,

Because what I know for sure is that everything that has happened to you was also happening for you. And all that time, in all of those moments, you were building strength. Strength times strength times strength equals power. What happened to you can be your power.

While it makes sense to create healthy boundaries and limit our exposure to people who cause harm or drain us of energy, compassion for even the worst offender is peace of mind and a step towards peace on earth.

We elicit from the world what we project into the world; but what you project is based upon what happened to you as a child.

~ Bruce D. Perry, What Happened to You? - Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing

Doctor Bruce Perry, invites us to ask not what is wrong with the person but what happened to them. He says,

What I’ve learned from talking to so many victims of traumatic events, abuse, or neglect is that after absorbing these painful experiences, the child begins to ache. A deep longing to feel needed, validated, and valued begins to take hold. As these children grow, they lack the ability to set a standard for what they deserve. And if Creating that lack is not addressed, what often follows is a complicated, frustrating pattern of self-sabotage, violence, promiscuity, or addiction.

So if you find yourself hating anyone, please recognize that the hate, which comes with anger, will cause more harm to the container in which it is stored than to the container upon which it is poured.

Hurt people hurt people. Compassion, not hate, will save the day.

You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one.

I hope someday you'll join us.

And the world will live as one.

~ John Lennon