Give stay-at-home moms the glory

Maternal attachment plays a fundamental role in shaping who we are; remove it and the harm is great.

~ James Heckman

As I think about how best to help cultivate joy, health, immunity and adaptation in a rapidly changing world, I am disturbed by how disconnected we have become from what matters most.

When we bring a child into the world, we are responsible for their outcome.

Caring for others may be the highest human calling.

Yet, today, women are often subtly shamed for prioritizing the care of their offspring instead of a lucrative career.

Maternal love and nurturing

An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.

~ Benjamin Franklin

Humans give birth to helpless babies. Most mothers are well-equipped to nourish and nurture infants until they become independent.

The World Health Organization states that:

Breastfeeding is one of the most effective ways to ensure child health and survival...

Breastfed children perform better on intelligence tests, are less likely to be overweight or obese and less prone to diabetes later in life. Women who breastfeed also have a reduced risk of breast and ovarian cancers.

The milk produced by a healthy mother is the ideal first food for a baby. Breastmilk constantly adjusts to growth and developmental needs, facilitating the doubling of birth weight in six months. It is a remarkable fluid.

A Chemical and Engineering article concludes that it is extremely embarrassing how little we still know about the composition of breastmilk.

It may be easy to replicate the ratios of the macro (protein, fat, carbohydrates) and micro (minerals) nutrients. But there are many more components and healing factors to breastmilk that we have yet to fully understand and incorporate into infant formula.

Of course, there are circumstances where the biological mother cannot nourish or raise her own child. In such cases, we do the best we can to compensate. But, research shows that a child detached early from the maternal mother may need even more love, attention and nurturing to overcome the trauma.

Nobel-prize-winning economist James Heckman, who has studied child development and motherly love, acknowledges that:

...early life conditions critically affect adult health and maternal attachment plays a fundamental role in shaping who we are; remove it and the harm is great.

…without devoted, repeated acts of love, a child’s brain doesn’t make the growth hormone needed for proper mental and physical development and numerous other imbalances are created.

Yet, today, when new moms take time off from their careers to focus on raising their offspring and managing the increased workload at home, they are often asked, by well-meaning people, what they are doing with their time, or when they plan to return to work.

The messaging implies - Not good enough. There is more valuable work to be done.

Couple that with the lack of compensation and recognition for a tremendous effort to create a functional household, and the stay-at-home mom may feel compelled to return to work too early and outsource her undervalued role, often to the detriment of the family and healthy child development.

A well-managed home is a sanctuary where we can recover from the challenges we experience in the outside world. It is a launch pad for success. It should be prioritized, recognized and applauded.

Yet, no matter how hard one works at home, many currently do not recognize the effort, as is reflected in how we compensate those to whom we outsource the job.

When we help others, we help ourselves

This topic has become a recurring theme in my blog because at this time in my life I have prioritized helping our daughter with the care of our grandchild.

Our daughter is incredibly capable and organized and has become selfless in her motherly role. Her husband, who is pretty hands-on when home, started a new career shortly after the baby was born and works very long hours.

I do not help in the middle of the night. The baby is not bottle-fed. Our daughter alone is tasked with that. But, I step in to help improve the quality of her time at home a few days a week.

Reliving this stage of life has exposed me to the challenges new moms face and inspired me to speak out on their behalf.

Recognizing that in the early years we create the template from which we operate for life, this is the time to ensure success - short-term pain at times, for long-term gain - personally and collectively.

Closing thoughts

So rise and shine and give mom the glory, glory...

The time is now for public health policy-makers to elevate the status of the stay-at-home mom and support her needs.

Caregivers in general, need higher compensation and recognition.

Our personal and collective immunity, health and well-being depend on it.