Demanding personal trainer

Babies are always more trouble than you thought – and more wonderful.

~ Charles Osgood

I have a new personal trainer. She is only about two feet tall but demanding beyond belief.

First thing in the morning, no matter the weather or how frumpy I look, she insists that we go outside to greet the day. She needs early morning light to flourish.

Carrying her, I have to pace and rock her to her liking and change position on demand. She hollers loudly should my form be off or should I deviate from the expected protocol.

When she has had enough, we come back into the house. Now she wants to dance.

I am tired. I want some breakfast. But, my trainer needs to prolong my fast. I comply.

She decides she wants to go back outside. This time I climb three flights of stairs to the balcony.

It’s hot up here. But to comfort her, I have to do the controlled baby toss followed by weighted squats and overhead presses.

When I’m exhausted and think she is content, I sit. She shrieks again to get me to repeat the workout in proper form.

I have no choice but to obey lest the neighbours complain about baby neglect.

She has already trained her mother overnight. She has interrupted mom's sleep, to be fed on demand, a form of torture designed to test competence and increase resilience.

So far, her mother is measuring up. She loves her unconditionally and, by being attentive, sends cues of safety - crucial for the baby's developing nervous system.

Everyone who enters the house is put through the regiment.

Evening workouts are incredibly demanding. Dinners are constantly interrupted.

At sunset, outdoor training is non-negotiable - exposure to natural light sets the circadian rhythm.

Our trainer's lungs and diaphragm need an intense workout, so she cries with all her might until all are exhausted and collapse early into bed.

Tomorrow she will be a little bit heavier, increasing our challenge. We will become a little more robust and more competent.

Her coos, shrieks of glee, occasional smiles and laughter, bring indescribable joy. To have her nudge her head in the crook of your neck and finally fall peacefully asleep after three rounds of stair climbing, floods our body with oxytocin-the love hormone.

This demanding personal trainer is a keeper. Not only are we becoming physically stronger, but a whole lot more selfless, thanks to her coaching.

Loving a baby is a circular business, a kind of feedback loop. The more you give, the more you get and the more you get, the more you feel like giving.

~ Penelope Leach