Becoming socially competent

The art of conversation lies in listening.

~ Malcom Forbes

Our granddaughters love people. Although they may appear shy at times, they quickly become comfortable in social settings.

Yesterday, as I walked to the park with the one-and-a-half-year-old, she said "hi" to everyone she saw, whether they were paying attention or not.

The three-year-old often shows genuine interest, asking questions about how someone's day is going, attentively listening and sharing her own stories. At a back-to-school event, although initially clingy when she became comfortable, she asked every teacher if they were enjoying their summer. When asked about hers, she shared a story about having fun at the cottage and a boat that wouldn't start because the battery wasn't charging, expressing the hope that it would be repaired before next summer so that she could go for a ride.

Chatting with two older girls, twice within a week, we heard her explain how bees pollinate plants to create food.

It is easy for parents and caregivers to beam with pride when their children are socially competent.

I was socially awkward

Although adults have a role to play in teaching social skills to children, it is often best that they play it unobtrusively. In particular, adults must guard against embarrassing unskilled children by correcting them too publicly and against labeling children as shy in ways that may lead the children to see themselves in just that way.

~ Zick Rubin

Unlike my granddaughters and daughter, I was socially awkward growing up.

I have a clear recollection of letting my mother (who captured the room upon entering it) down many times. My feisty older sister was like Mom, and I couldn't help but feel sad when Mom bragged about her friendliness and reprimanded me for my social awkwardness.

I compensated for my social ineptitude by being well-behaved, studious and emotionally regulated. But I seldom looked people in the eye or engaged in meaningful conversation.

We find our niche to feel loved and accepted. Becoming a good student earned me the praise I craved.